Hrm.

Well I went on my date with Kendra. I had a lot of fun. We cooked dinner at her house (I was going to but she insisted on helping), then we went to go see a play. Can't for the life of me remember the name of it, but I liked it.

Tonight is HELL.

I'm at work (coulda guessed, huh) and things are going to hell in a hand-basket. Today all the locks had to be re-programmed (AGAIN) and then I had to remake all of the fail-safe keys. Do you have any idea how many keys that is? Let's see, mental math. 57 rooms times 4 keys per room = one metric fuckton of keys. Also known as 228. Am I allowed to die? Am I allowed to sleep?

Anyway, back to more important things. As for Kendra, I'm not sure what to think. I got some inside information saying that she was going to shoot me down, yet it never really happened. Maybe she thinks she did, or maybe I'm just ignorant. Or then again, maybe she felt bad for me or something. Who knows. Either way, I'll be fine. She's a really cool girl and I'd at least like to have her as a friend, if it's not possible to have her as more. That and I did kinda rush things a little bit.

I'm just really stressed out and I need either:
A.) Something good to happen to me.
B.) To sleep for a week straight.
C.) To die.
D.) All of the above could be achieved at the same time.

Lately, I've been unable to sleep. My "conditional insomnia" as I call it has come back, full force, taking no mercy. I'm drained. I have no energy, no will to live, no drive to do any of the things I used to love. What's the reason? I wish I knew. I wish I had a magic wand. But alas, this faerie tale is destined to have a sad ending, one where the "hero" ends up dead in a cold, dark alley behind a Denny's.

Also, I hate old people.

I just feel empty. Alone. Worthless. That void is back. You know that feeling, the one where you're getting sucked through some sort of rift in your heart? The one where your heart's caving in on itself? I guess I should be used to it by now; I guess I should stop whining. However, I can't help but think that there's something I should have done. Something I missed out on. I just need a break. I need a vacation. I need a new life. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if there were someone, ANYONE I could go to with my problems. But I always avoid dishing it out on my friends; they don't need my unnecessary whining added to their palettes of existence.

I think that becomes a big part of why I miss having a girlfriend so much. Not one like Robyn, where conversation was a no-no. But an open relationship, one where if something's bothering me, I have someone to talk to. Someone to listen. Someone who cares. That's the big thing.

But no sense worrying about the future when there's so much shit to do today. Which reminds me, I need to finish up this post, I have a mountain of laundry in the back that has my name written ALL OVER it.

Until my next whiny, self-loathing post,
~TJ